just like you, I've also spent the last couple of weeks at home, feeling all kinds of things: restless, anxious, annoyed, terrified, and the list goes on. One thing that I haven't felt very much of, however, is bored. And you know what else? FOMO. Finally, there is nowhere I should be but I don't want to but I really have to but do I really.
Today I watched a plane going in and out of clouds at sunset. Yesterday I watched people and yeah, ok, judged their outfits. I also did some spring cleaning, reorganised my wardrobe (pics), my laptop and my phone, and I'm working through my films and books and series. Slowly, I'm starting to write and learn and stretch and cook and sleep well again, and call people without calculating how much I have left to give at the end of the day.
I feel calm and rested. I have mental space, and energy, and clarity. Ideas about what I like, what I want and what I need are coming back to me. I'm debating ways to improve myself, with myself. And not out of a sense of guilt and while being exhausted, no. I genuinely wake up feeling more creative and excited and refreshed than usual.
I know some people are more outgoing and need more stimulation from the outside than I do, but we will have that again; we will probably never have this again. If we are lucky enough to be safe and healthy, now we can catch our breath and catch up on things. We are no longer in the rat race. The world has hit the pause button. We are living at a pace that allows our minds to take things in and process them - not just sort through them and wait for the day to end. We no longer have to rush, force, keep up, never stop, go big or go home. We are home. And we are going to miss home the next time we have to go through 423 coffees just to stay awake.
Just like you, I am still exploring how to channel my energy, how to not let myself be consumed by the world, how to hold space for others while staying true to myself. I am endlessly curious about the world outside and inside myself. There's so much to do, to see, to read, to learn, to create - and now there's time, too. I also feel frustrated. But I don't let myself feel bored. I hope you do the same. ♥️
